Hello People!  

EVER HAD A FALLING OUT WITH A DEAR FRIEND? 

EVER ‘GHOSTED’ SOMEONE? OR BEEN GHOSTED?* 

OR ANY OF THE VARIETIES OF RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN?  

*TO GHOST: To vanish from a relationship with no explanation, or negotiation, 

NO courtesy of final closure .   

Ever found it so TOUGH to reach for reconciliation!! 

Immersed in the bodily discomforts, lack of safety, hurt, anger, fear?

I HAVE.

Am I alone in this dilemma?

IS YOUR PRESENT LIFE influenced by past or current disasters, 

repairs, reconciliation, healing or failure? With the exceptional challenges 

of long term relationships: family, beloveds, dear friends? 

What the poet Rilke calls “LOVE AND OTHER DIFFICULTIES!”

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HOW DO WE DIG DEEP

How do we find the skills and resilience for ENDURING LOVE? 

Or fair and just departures from one another?

How do we dig deep to face relationship break-downs!  

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HUMAN ECOLOGY

It’s a chronic dilemma with acute consequences: how we humans get in and out of trouble.

So: are we doing the hard work to heal the planet, or for racial justice, or other large social issues?

Do we consider how we treat each other closer to home equally significant? 

What about INTERPERSONAL RIGHTS?

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ACCOUNTABILITY TO OUR HUMAN ECO-SYSTEM

Let’s consider accountability, developing the skill for the hard part OF the hard part. How to develop an ability, a courageous empathy, to seek the largest narrative possible before final judgments. This is where I see the saddest and most deeply damaging break-downs. Recently. In real time. And, of course as a therapist for decades and in my personal history. Folks walk away. Done. Often with a partial, often unfair or confused narrative. To me it is a justice issue: to move our humanity further by modeling accountability in these conflicts. To create a humane safe space. I know: the other person/s won’t talk to us. Or they are difficult, defensive. That happens. But do we cut them off? Leave real soon. Does Bye Bye come too easily. Do we learn, keep trying to grow. Do we study? True, many folks don’t or can’t; but we could be on the LEADING EDGE. We can keep building that muscle!

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OUR INNER COURTHOUSE

Don’t we sometimes just put people in our personal courthouse and render judgment with little evidence, inadequate search for a larger picture? Anyone ever serve you up a sentence before you got to be heard. It ain’t pretty. It wounds. This isn’t just personal. Cleaning up our own back yard, each small step away from conflict aversion helps the larger human awareness evolve.  Denial of inter-personal justice and decency damages the climate of our human future.  
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INNER WORK OF CONFLICT AVERSION

Yes, True. We have to do a lot of inner work: to see where we bring our personal damage, traumas, fears, angers to the table; and to enlarge our imagination and generosity to find out more where the ‘other’ side’ is suffering and damage may appear; to check out their point of view beyond what may be our premature interpretation. Gossip and third party stories are especially risky, hardening into beliefs while still under-investigated.    

At least hear ‘ the other’ out and make sure we are heard. Yes, sometimes we need a mediator.

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SAFETY:THE BODY’S ROLE IN CONFLICT 

How do we feel safe to do so. Exactly! What about our frightened, sad, fearful, untrained bodies, with no skills to face these difficulties? We need to study, to re-tune and manage our bodies who drive our reactivity, defenses, old patterns, responses, and judgments that make reconciliation attempts so difficult.  

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OUR BRAVEST ANGELS
Yes, of course, healing, reconciliation, or understanding may well not be achieved. BUT DID I, DID WE REALLY SUMMON OUR BRAVEST ANGELS TO TRY!!? Could we at least agree to disagree without leaving so much WRECKAGE behind?

Did we do our very very best to restore decency to what was a painful, confusing, and yes, very human conflict. (I do not mean dangerously abusive relationships that must be escaped).  

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IN MY PAST: YOU GONNA SEE ME RUNNIN’

In my past, if things got tough, too often, as the Blues tune goes: YOU GONNA SEE ME RUNNIN’ ‘CUZ WALKIN’ IS WAY TOO SLOW. Yep, you saw my back. It’s not fun recalling the debacles, whether I was the dealer or got dealt!! The long-term toxic loose ends that float out TO REMAIN in  the atmosphere of human troubles with each other. Now I’m trying to bring ‘beginner’s’ or open mind to where my blind spots occur. Where I get too satisfied with my own story of a person or situation, due to my clumsiness, nano-second judgments, and failures. So I’ve given myself a new ‘handle,’ LULU LACHANCE: opportunity for an alternative perception, to nudge myself off the little mountaintop of certainty I can create in an instant!!  

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Friends, old and new, I hope to hear from you along the way!! 

Let’s discuss our experiences, skills, reconciliations and failures. 

Tell that Blues tune, WE AIN’T RUNNIN!

Louisa


Aka/Lulu LaChance

2/23/21